Keven McGarvey Goes to the Jewelry Store and Tells Them "Make Me a Grill"
Re-imaged as rapper K-Mac
By: AXP Gonzo, 2007-03-28
Maybe it was taking a black little brother with same name, maybe it was Paul Wall, or maybe pure stupidity, but Brother Kevin McGarvey has legally changed his name to K-Mac. The ultra-redneck, honky of a white boy, K-Mac, has always been a fan of the hip-hop community, but, until now, the hip-hop community hasn't had an opportunity to be a fan back.
"Yeah, my boys the Blazin' Hot Ballas is my inspiration. They said to me, 'Kevin, you got the skillz,'" says K. "So the next logical step was to evolutionize into K-Mac."
When asked what this "evolutionize" was, Mr. Mac, had this to say: "It's like this, I already am endowed like a rapper, so why not be a rapper? Evolutionize." This confusing response really made no sense to me, so I asked him differently what he meant. "My penis, it's big. Like a small child's arm, holding an apple. Evolutionize."
He then offered to lay down some lyrics on me, which I was more than obliged to listen to. However, most of his rhyming skills reminded me of B-Rad from Malibu's Most Wanted. For example, this "hot rhyme" he "wrote" entitled "Sheep":
"Little Bo Peep
Lost her sheep
And can't tell where to find them
I said, 'Bitch, leave them alone and they'll come home'
Wagging their tails behind them
Yea, yea, my wang is big
Mary had a little lamb
That fleece was white like blow
Mary bumped a line and the lamb was behind
Everywhere Mary would go
Check yo life, my johnson's huge"
I told him that all he did was alter the words to nursery rhymes and talk about his penis. His response was to tell me I wouldn't understand because it was a "Jeep thing."